How to increase your blog fan base

Quick fix eye-candy comic to placate you ….

from xkcd

Ho hummmmmm…… It’s high time I did another post in this sleepy little blog that only eight really cool people read regularly. There are over six billion people in the world, and 1 billion of them have internet. But there aren’t that many really cool people in the world, unfortunately. The other six that aren’t subscribers yet don’t know about me and I don’t know about them. (The number six is a mathematical estimate, based on my statistical analysis of general surfing behaviour courtesy of google.) I have no business writing how to increase your fan base, being how mine is so small. Duh.

That doesn’t stop those other guys. “Increasing your blog readership” is the subject of every other blog for bux article on the internet which is just a rehash or straight plagiarism of other blog for bux articles on the internet and most of those guys are wannabes with only 10 readers and five of them are their drinking buddies and their mom. They’ll talk about this or that, but it’s even simpler. What I’ve found — the unblemished truth: To get a see Angelina Jolie Naked!!!! lot of reads you need to pander to the most base in human nature, pimp it up with tittie pix, and alter your writing style to stuff keywords — which I regard as an insult to freedom. I refuse to do i!t. I will not be bought — hence my small but very awesome fan base. My words are just like they came out of my brain.

And what are the results?

From the looks of things, the “good” posts here only get read by my eight smart and cool fans; yet here and elsewhere, I get oodles and gobs of reads on a post that I threw together in 10 minutes if it has soap opera in it.

Soooooo……. If you’re some slack-jawed drooling twit looking for the tittie pix, tough, I lied. You’ve sorta been dorkrolled, if you will.

And if you’re looking for a tech read, there are a number of good evergreen posts here, and projection analysis show that there is a 99.99% probability that you haven’t read all of them yet; in fact there is a 99.9% probability that you haven’t read any of them yet, and there is a 99% probability that you won’t read any of them now. But just in case……. Might I direct you to the site map, or the search box (Right Sidebar) or the category links. (Left Sidebar, upper) Those things are standard blogvigation controls to help you find what interests you. They are not some weird “unique to this blog” interface that you have to learn before you can find anything here. Yet my actual recorded stats show that 99.99% of visitors ignore them and view only the most recent post, and there is a 84.9% chance that the most recent is not the best one –I guarantee you this one ISN’T!– and that probability increases the more posts the blog accumulates, as long as it stays on track.

Now kick my butt with comments, and maybe I’ll write something good next time. Meanwhile I’m gonna plot visitors to my about page and laugh. Don’t you know that 63.8% of statistics are made up on the spot?

12 comments to How to increase your blog fan base

  • Hmm I don’t think I am counted in the 8 so… It is true a large portion of readers only read the post they came in on, but a good about page can help some of those who think about staying find a few more most to check out to see if they want to subscribe.

    John Hunter | Curious Cat Investing Blogs last blog post..Disease Prevention For Healthy America

  • Umm…where’s the pics of Angelina Jolie…damn you google….oh…


    I used to get a ton of hits on a former blog for quoting parts of song lyrics, tons of people would find my site via “beatles lyrics” or what have you.

    Adam Pieniazeks last blog post..The Labor Day Firefighters

  • John & Adam, you are definitely among the 8! You’ve both been here before! hahahaha…. I’ll get around to the pix of A.J. shortly — to avoid the A.J. empire suing me for my $43.72 checking account they’ll have to be hand drawn, and I’m not much of an artist.

  • You could always resort to the old trick of putting all kinds of keywords way down on the bottom of your blog that has nothing to do with your blog what so ever. I ran into a guy a couple of weeks ago that had these keywords at the very top of his page and then in the post is apologizing to those people that showed up there to try and find some kind of Asian Porn that it wasn’t actually there. I had to comment there and let him now that what he was doing was old as dirt and that a lot of people didn’t appreciate his kind of deceit.

    You doing OK?


  • You doing OK?
    not really, but thanks for asking. 🙂 Another one of the COOL people. I did that old chestnut 15 years ago, I had a picture of my dog and I put metatags for every porn word I could think of. That was when the web was only 2 or 3 thousand pages (I exaggerate) and anyone could be in yahoo free for the asking. That page got so many hits my provider had to take it down.

  • I know how hard it is to lose a business, if that’s the problem. I had spent about 3 years building up a Gardening / landscaping business and had finally got to the point where I needed another helper, actually hire someone on, when My body said, nope enough. 6 days aweek at 12 – 14 hours a day busting my hump finally caught up to me. It was so hard to tell my regular customers I had to let them go after working so hard to get them and keep them.

    Of course, if that isn’t the problem, then, uhm, Never Mind. I sure hope you get feeling better.

    Beamer last blog post..1930 Hot Rod # 2

  • I’m over losing the biz. although that was pretty bad. Just as I was crawling out from under that something worse hit. Much worse. Anyway, there are drugs and they are starting to work. Life is too short to be sad, and if there is absolutely nothing you can do about the things that are making you sad, do drugs. 🙂

  • Wow. Sorry to hear that. I’m an excellent listener if you need someone to talk to. Doesn’t sound like your having a lot of fun right now.

    I’ll be praying for you.


  • admin

    Appreciate the offer. But I tend to use talking for problem solving. And in this case there is nothing I can do so there’s really no point dwelling on it. I’ve already pretty much vented on my RL friends, so now the thing to do is accept it as part of the landscape and get my butt in gear and do something worthwhile. Your prayers are much appreciated. I hope things are going well for you.

  • I like the change around here. It looks oranger. Things are going quite well. Glad to hear you got a support system. Comes in handy at times.

    Take care.


  • “Don’t you know that 63.8% of statistics are made up on the spot?”

    I liked that one!

  • B&B

    looks like i’ve been “dorkrolled” !!!

A sample text widget

Etiam pulvinar consectetur dolor sed malesuada. Ut convallis euismod dolor nec pretium. Nunc ut tristique massa.

Nam sodales mi vitae dolor ullamcorper et vulputate enim accumsan. Morbi orci magna, tincidunt vitae molestie nec, molestie at mi. Nulla nulla lorem, suscipit in posuere in, interdum non magna.