How to increase your blog fan base

Quick fix eye-candy to placate you ….

from xkcd
stars

Ho hummmmmm…… ’s high time I did another post in this sleepy little that only eight really cool people read regularly. There are over six billion people in the world, and 1 billion of them have internet. But there aren’t that many really cool people in the world, unfortunately. The other six that aren’t subscribers yet don’t know about me and I don’t know about them. (The number six is a mathematical estimate, based on my statistical analysis of general surfing behaviour courtesy of google.) I have no business writing how to increase your fan base, being how mine is so small. Duh.

That doesn’t stop those other guys. “Increasing your readership” is the subject of every other for bux article on the internet which is just a rehash or straight plagiarism of other for bux articles on the internet and most of those guys are wannabes with only 10 readers and five of them are their drinking buddies and their mom. They’ll talk about this or that, but ’s even simpler. What I’ve found — the unblemished truth: To get a see Angelina Jolie Naked!!!! lot of reads you need to pander to the most base in human nature, up with , and alter your writing style to stuff keywords — which I regard as an insult to freedom. I refuse to do i!t. I will not be bought — hence my small but very awesome fan base. My words are just like they came out of my brain.


And what are the results?

From the looks of things, the “good” posts here only get read by my eight smart and cool ; yet here and elsewhere, I get oodles and gobs of reads on a post that I threw together in 10 minutes if has soap opera in .

Soooooo……. If you’re some slack-jawed drooling twit looking for the , tough, I lied. You’ve sorta been , if you will.

And if you’re looking for a tech read, there are a number of good evergreen posts here, and projection analysis that there is a 99.99% probability that you haven’t read all of them yet; in fact there is a 99.9% probability that you haven’t read any of them yet, and there is a 99% probability that you won’t read any of them now. But just in case……. Might I direct you to the site map, or the search box (Right Sidebar) or the category links. (Left Sidebar, upper) Those things are standard controls to help you find what interests you. They are not some weird “unique to this ” interface that you have to learn before you can find anything here. Yet my actual recorded stats that 99.99% of visitors ignore them and view only the most post, and there is a 84.9% chance that the most is not the best one –I guarantee you this one ISN’T!– and that probability increases the more posts the accumulates, as long as stays on track.

Now kick my butt with , and maybe I’ll write something good next time. Meanwhile I’m gonna plot visitors to my about page and laugh. Don’t you know that 63.8% of are made up on the spot?

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3.2

IT third place in Lies on Resumes

liar liar pants on fire ran this news item giving particulars about who lies most on their resumes and what things they about. came in third place. responsibilities was the most “lied about” item on resumes.

But as a veteran filling out application forms, I have to wonder what really is considered a . For example, these forms that try to you into neat , is a if you 90% in the box? what about 80% what if you don’t even know how much you conform to some describing a .

Here’s an example:

Managing a in a small company is very different from managing a in a large one. At one I had, I figured out and set up all the and for our small office and trained my office mate how to use so he could stop recabling the printer every time he wanted to print something. I also showed my boss how to forward a port on his so we could run a server on our workstations. That was the extent of my “ .” That’s all we needed. There were rarely any problems with . One time a failed and after much hair pulling I got them to replace . Anytime there was a problem they came to me. Would be a if I put this down on my ? What do you think?

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3.2

I can do magic — Can you?

sudo sandwitch

another offering from our friends at xkcd.  Ha!  I wish I could say

clean your frakkin’ room!” to my offspring! “” is as close to a as gets.

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3.2

A hack for my Hubpages fans

This is a of thanks in the form of in appreciation of my over on Hub Pages randomly displays one of their widgets right here in an . If you don’t like the looks of the one you see, the page and will give you a different one. Thanks !

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3.2

How to create and maintain table comments in MySQL

is a very good idea, and often overlooked, to a when creating a . Months later when you’ve forgotten what eggs_x_chickens was for, the will be extremely useful. is especially useful if people will be accessing the , but you should go to the to do even if the is for your private consumption.

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Security Articles Growing a Tail!

blog carnival

The dork is featured again in Issue #4 (August 1) of Information Security Short Takes that I was in last month. This features a monthly potpourri of useful selection of related articles. I know, I know, nobody wants to hear about . ’s boring as all get out, and ’ll probably not happen to you. Except that is happening, to more and more of us each year. Knowledge is in this game. Know how works, what to do and what not to do, and diminish your chance of being ripped off.
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Woot! The comment spammers found me

Say NO TO SPAMAkismet is an awesome filter no wordpress blogger should be without. ’s point ‘n’ click installable if you happen to use wordpress, but they claim that hacks exist for 20 other blogging platforms and they do provide an API. Hacks don’t mean evil programs, they just mean ways to enable you to use the software that aren’t quite as slick as for wordpress. Today flagged 54 — all on the Eleven Signs post. (BTW Eleven Signs is my LEAST original post. All the ideas in had been blogged elsewhere; I just picked my eleven faves and did them up in my own style. ) Previously I had been getting maybe 5-7 a day and they were . I was unperturbed about the jump in because does the right thing.
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Entrecard gives bloggers all the comments they could ask for!

Disclosure: this post is being written as an entry in this EntreCard contest.

has set up some kind of a partnership with SezWho to encourage organic .  According to the post on the ,

When you can take a quality that isn’t receiving any , and give them 10 or 20 high-quality per post… that’s revolutionary in our opinion.

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I want you on my LAN

beatlesI wrote these to the of “I wanna hold your hand” by the , with all due credit to them. The purpose was to teach a class of bright youngsters how networking works at the . I thought that my hot dorkage readers might enjoy them. ’s all as true now as ever was. And in case you don’t understand some of the terminology, ’s all broken down for you at the end.

And in case you’re too young to remember the (even though they keep popping up on oldies stations) Below see a recording of for you to listen to. Notice that you have to click to play . I would never inflict on you.

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Lolcatese — u lerns it or eatz mai dust sucka


— is becoming the new internet ? Perhaps first exclusively written language? is named after the acronym , which is for “laughing out loud.” is a thing distinct from . The purpose of is to transmit the message with the fewest number of keystrokes. and have similar ancestry, but seems to be evolving into a separate language all its own, complete with and , and even pronunciation hints, although is primarily a written language. I’m not sure where the “cat” part comes in.

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