beatlesI wrote these to the of “I wanna hold your hand” by the , with all due credit to them. The purpose was to teach a class of bright youngsters how networking works at the . I thought that my hot dorkage readers might enjoy them. It’s all as true now as it ever was. And in case you don’t understand some of the terminology, it’s all broken down for you at the end.

And in case you’re too young to remember the (even though they keep popping up on oldies stations) Below see a recording of it for you to listen to. Notice that you have to click to play it. I would never inflict it on you.

I want you on my

(with apologies to George, Paul, Ringo, and John)

Oh yeh, Please let me near you, your I wanna scan*,
And you, be in my *; I want you on my *
I want you on my , I want you on my

Oh I, want you to * me, over the cable’s ,
And please, don’t filter* me, I want you on my
I want you on my , I want you on my

Bridge:
When I sniff your * I feel happy, inside
If you don’t install a *, your data
you can’t hide, you can’t hide, you can’t hide.

Yeh, you, got some bandwidth*, I think you’ll understand,
And I, just want to use it, I want into your
Oh baby share my , I want you on my

Bridge:
And when our crash* I’ll wait random time*,
Then I’ll and they’ll get through
on your dime, on your dime, on your dime*….

Oh please, * me baby, don’t make me feel so banned*,
and I’ll say one more time, I want into your
I want you on my ; I want you on my

The breakdown

  • your I wanna scan — scanning is something you can do to see whether your target is accepting connections — it’s the digital equivalent to eyeing them up.
  • be in my — you can’t directly transmit to another computer [be on their ] unless your network or number is the same.
  • — generally boxes on a are directly cabled together.
  • — an action where you can find out another computer’s physical address if it’s on your . It’s a pretty intimate thing to know about another computer.
  • filter – if someone is annoying you, you can configure your computer to reject all communication from them. Kinda like not answering your phone.
  • sniff your — By putting your network in promiscuous mode you can receive all data on the , not just the data destined for your computer.  There’s a reason why it’s called promiscuous.  Decorum would require that you not interchange data that doesn’t belong to you.
  • — a gadget that makes it so when the receives a packet for you, everybody else is shut out and can’t sniff your , even if they are in promiscuous mode, unless they really know what they’re doing.
  • bandwidth — usable network bits per second
  • crash — a normal thing on an for to or crash once in a while. When this happens they need to be resent. Too much collision increases the amount of data without increasing the amount of information, and indicates that the connection is too slow.
  • random time — the amount a waits before it resends a collided packet. If it just waited a fixed time that was the same for the other , then the would just again
  • on your dime — refers back to a quaint old time when phone calls were only $0.10.  Essentially “on your dime” means you are paying for it not me.
  • — a special test to see if you can connect to someone else.
  • banned — synonym for Filtered.
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